Thursday, December 31, 2009

I'm feeling a bit down, most of my friends/family are in couples, I'm in my 40s and single. Advice please?

I'm in my late 40s and have never settled down. The only reason I can think of is that I didn't meet a guy with whom I thought it would work with for life. I've had a pretty good job which enables me to travel, make friends all over the place and do what I like. I know that I look pretty, often get taken for 33 and am fit too. After my ex boyfriend of many years left me 6 years ago (he couldn't get his head around marriage), I've been more or less alone, except for the odd date. But I've never fallen for these guys and had just decided I like my life alone. However, I've just met my cousins new boyfriend and realise she will be the next to marry. For some strange reason I feel isolated and sad. Why is this when I know so well that many marriages fail and are charades? Please advise me?I'm feeling a bit down, most of my friends/family are in couples, I'm in my 40s and single. Advice please?
You have to think about what you want for yourself, not what others want to do or what they thing is right for them.. but it sounds as if now, despite the many friends and the social life, the great job that allows you to travel you are feeling that something is lacking in your life..





Why not just join a club of some kind where you might meet males and females of your age group.. and activity club.. ''Hiking just as an example.. you may meet someone by chance.. or you can always join a singles club, talk to several people without getting involved too quickly. if you should happen to meet someone who seems to be a person you might want to get to know better and there is a mutual connection, why not start off as friends. and see where that takes both of you..





Marriages are all entered with good intentions. They aren't really charades but it's a lot easier to ''find someone'' than to ''keep a marriage alive and happy..'' that takes a lot of hard work. I believe there is no couple who enters into a marriage and doesn't hope this will work out forever.. but it only does so if both partners are equally committed to work on the marriage.. That's tough work.. One tends after 10 years or after quite some years together to take each other for granted. That should never happen.. .There is no guarantee for a happy everlasting marriage, but if there is mutual respect, honesty and mutual trust, and if one really has communicaton and talks about matters before they turn into a problem, then one can salvage a marriage. It happens in relationship where couples just live together also.. they stop communicating.. and drift apart. and they start to take each other somewhat for granted.. all the little things one partner does for the other and vice versa.. at the beginning of the relationship one sees them, at some point one believes ''I have a right to expect that'' but I don't believe that's true.. we should never take anything for granted.. and also let the partner know if he or she has done something we appreciate. To have a similar outlook about life.. having similar goals helps to make it last.. and to share ones hopes, dreams, joys and fears with each other.. To learn to listen and to talk in turns.





It's not paradise to be married, but it can be a hapy marriage .. there will be storms.. and I have not yet seen a rose without thorns.. but it can work.. if both partners are committed to really put a lot of effort into it.. and who says you need to get married?





It is however nice, to have someone in ones life.. that does not necessarily mean marriage is the only way .. but to know there is someone.. ''a soulmate'' that is never too late to find in life.. for that one does not have to get married .. but the same rules apply.. it takes two to tango and it takes 2 to be committed to that relationship.. no matter if it's a relationship with or without marriage..I'm feeling a bit down, most of my friends/family are in couples, I'm in my 40s and single. Advice please?
It is normal to feel that way. But you are really fine right now. Just enjoy your life here. And may be you shouldn't compare yourself too much with others. If you are a Christian I would recommend you a great site: inspiration-for-singles, where you can learn that single life can be meaningful and happy.
Well, you've reason enough to feel sad.





My advice is to seek yourself something else you can believe in. Then these thoughts won't trouble you that much any longer, assuming that they do now and it's not just a brief feeling of sadness.
I know what you mean. I think it's b/c love, with it's many ups and downs, is still what we think is the key to happiness. The feelings associated with romantic love just makes us feel...there's nothing like it in the world, which is exactly why, despite 50% divorce rate, people still take the chance.





Just remember that marriage isn't what we see in movies, nor Disney princesses finding their one true love. Also, in a bad marriage, people can also feel very lonely.
Maybe you are expecting too much out of your life. Perhaps someone that likes you and that you like hasn't appeared yet. or maybe you are not meant to ';have someone'; (no offence) don't worry, i think you should take your time and find someone that you like. if you do not expect too much and tell yourself that you are lucky that may help. most of our feelings lie in the hands of how we think. don't think that you are unlucky and that you should be like everyone else and settle down with someone. remember that each and everyone of us are unique and so we should not set a certain ';normal'; circumstance that ';should'; happen for ourselves. we should just try to be content and if we meet any misfortunes remember: it may be a blessing in disguise.
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