We used to have sex all the time. It bothers both of us and it leads to arguments. My husband thinks I don't find him attractive anymore, although I've tried to explain to him what is really happening. I have changed in so many ways since I gave birth. The carefree, sexy girl I used to be has been replaced by a mommy.
We had an argument last night b/c I wasn't in the mood. I suggested to him that we have sex on designated nights on the week. I think that would work out some of our problems.
I am just curious how other married couples still enjoy their sex lives after having kids. Any tips or advice would be appreciated.Married couples with children: I need some advice!?
I've been married for 17 years and we have four children. Part of this is probably your medication and the other part is your attitude about sex and being a mother. Talk to your doctor about trying other meds that don't affect your sex drive as much. The other thing you need to do is to get back ';the carefree sexy girl';. I'm not saying you diminish your responsibilities as a mother but you need to realize that it's totally possible to be both! If you're not in the mood, you need to figure out how to get in the mood. Most of this is mental. Learn how to put your mommy self to bed and bring the sexy you out for the evening. Sometimes I do this by taking a nice hot bubble bath. Find what works for you. If you're exhausted from doing all that you do in an evening (and I know it's work) then your husband needs to step up to the plate and lend a hand. What I keep in mind (and he does too) is that we've created this life together. Us, all these children, a home. The best we can do for our kids is to maintain a healthy and loving relationship. A great sex life is a big part of this. Sex and time together should be your reward (and his) for a long hard day. The effects of sex are amazing on your body and if you do it right, it's like a natural sleeping pill. Also keep in mind that every night doesn't have to be 2 hour long, marathon sex. Sometimes a quickie is all you need. If we can't find 15 minutes or a couple hours for our spouse then what is all this for?? Ask yourself that. If it means you have to let something go, that extra load of laundry, that last load of dishes, then let it go. In the long run those things will still be there (a womans work is NEVER done) but your relationship might not. Instead of scheduling sex, schedule time for each other every day. Block out that time and get your things done before that time rolls around. Learn how to relax together and enjoy each others company, talk about your day, talk about your goals and desires. If it leads to sex a few nights a week, that's great! I promise you if you do this not only will he be happier, but so will you. Good luck :)Married couples with children: I need some advice!?
Love yourself as much as you love your family. Its nice to look after your family but you have to remember to look after yourself too. You just probably need a time management to work things out for you and your husband. Do not focus on just being a mommy. Be a wife as well if you do not want to put your marriage into some kind of a disaster. You know what I mean. Try to put your daughter to bed early, relax and try to give yourself some moment of your own so you could have energy for your husband. Its not yet too late to do something about it.
I am married with 5 kids so I totally understand what you are going through. I don't want to have sex and have to sometimes make myself do it because I know I need to take care of him too. Designated days should be the answer. You get to tell him its not your day, its perfect! As long as you come to an agreement on how often you guys should be fine.
We make each other a priority. Screw the dishes, no one is going to steal them if they are left in the sink. Buy take out some times, the two year old won't care. Learn to cut some corners, the house does not have to be perfect all the time, unless it is up for sale or a party is planned. You and your Husband should be taking care of each other as much as the two of you take care of the kid, that is called FAMILY.
I was taking one SSRI that gave me sexual side effects. Mty doctor switched me to another and I snapped out of it quickly. Please talk to you doctor; sex is a critical part of a happy marriage. Afer I switched, I turned right back into that sexy girl, and I'll bet you will, too.
don't make sex so much of a chore and make it a top priority because it'll keep ya husband faithful and save your marriage
Designated days work trust me!!!!
Have you shown him the list of side-effects for the meds you are taking?
Mommy needs a break! Im a mother of a 5 and 7 year old. And sex is a hard thing to come by when you have kids. Especially if they have sex radar and wake up when youre in mid-coitus. The best thing to do is have a ';date night';. Arrange a sitter and go out like old times, get some cheap wine, rent a room and get right and tight and tear it up like wild rabbits. That way youre still Mommy and youre his sexy little vixen too. Another thing is to jump in the shower with him when hes getting up (my husband does PT in the mornings) but nothing like a little morning nookie to put a smile on his face. Suprise sex is great for a man, where as women we like romantic warm me up and make me shiver sex. Guys like for somethign to just jump on them and throttle them until they feel good.
Maybe talk to your doc about different meds? Also don't make designated sex nights it does not work, first try a sitter send the baby away with the grandparents for the night make that night about the two of you!! Also have the hubby help with chores at night taking the load off a bit could make you less tired, but I hear you hun we have one little girl and another on the way it is tiring, but we try our hardest to not let it interfere with our sex lives.. Even if you are tired initiate sex once you get in to it you will not be tired anymore..
First off I would say that this might be something you need to talk to your doctor about. Maybe there is some other kind of medication that might not hit you so hard.
I am a mother of a two year old and have been married for three years. And for a while I was never in the mood and it lead to a lot of problems. Funny how much sex can affect every other part of the relationship, huh?
As for the being too tired to get in the mood thing, which I like probably every mother understands, have you told him about that? If you can get a little bit of help from him it would make it easier for you. Maybe he can be in charge of getting the baby ready for bed, and putting her to sleep. This way it gives you some time to unwind before it's time to get intimate. I would say to even go as far as to drop the baby off with a friend or relative for most of the day. And don't go out take out and a movie at home so you'll be relaxed and if the mood arrives you can just go for it without worrying about the baby or dishes or food.... Women have to have the right mind set to be in the mood. Men are like a light switch:)
I went through that time too, where you feel like every part of you takes a back seat to being a mommy. I do feel like the child should come first before anything else, but your husband didn't marry you ';The Mommy'; he married YOU. And although you can't go completely back to sexy no children woman again, she is still there. Your baby is old enough now that you should be able to park her little butt in front of a movie and have a little quickie with the husband. As long as you have your house baby safe then leave her in the other room with a baby monitor and take care of your husband. For a while, sex was the last thing on my mind. But I would still pull my husband aside, whenever I could because I think men need to feel like they are wanted sexually, and pretty soon he started seeing me as that sexy pre-mommy woman again. And once he started seeing me that way, I couldn't help but see myself that way too.
If you have to schedule times for sex, do it. Better than nothing. But I think that as his wife you should have sex even on some of the nights you don't really feel like it. It will make him happier, and ease some of the arguments. And it may not seem like it right now, but it will bring back your sexy side. If you try all you can and you just can't seem to get your sex life back it may be time to think about counseling. There might be something deeper here than just not being in the mood or having time. But I don't think so, it's probably just you having to get a part of you back. It won't hurt you as a mother. There's enough room in you for the loving mother and the sexy wife;)
Good luck!
i am married, working mother of 3. and i also go to gym EVERY EVENING, and cos we re health nuts we never eat junk from freeze like most people nowadays - we eat freshly cooked meals from scratch every day. it mean when i come from gym at 8 pm i also start cooking for the next day. or my husband starts cooking. and i get up at 6 am. i am usually very much tired in the late evening. but don't u love to bring joy to others? i love it. i love to buy gifts for my kids and take them places, i love to bring my husband enjoyment. for men sex is much more important than for women. so even if i am dead tired and he is in the mood i get in the mood too. i just love seeing his satisfied smiling face. after all he always does whatever i want - he takes me places, buys me whatever i want, takes care of me and kids. i love him and i will do anything for him even if i am dropping dead and semi concious.
First get one of your family members to babysit. Take a nite out go to diner,movies,or just a walk in the park. As bad as it sounds to pawn your child off you need the time away. I never thought making days and time for sex ever worked. I have 2 daughters and went throught the same things. Even a nice bath or shower together is good. But the key is dont rush when you have the chance take your time a lot of touchy feely goes a long way. Again the key is to get a nite here and there away you can not spend 24-7 with the baby you will stress your self out and that is not good for the baby or the husband.
Designated nights probably doesn't sound all that romantic, but it's not a bad start. At least you know it's coming, and you can plan something a little romantic. A candle light dinner after your daughter goes to bed can be nice.
You feel you have changed in so many ways, but remember that your husband hasn't changed. He married that carefree sexy girl hiding inside the mommy. The source of his frustration is that your no longer the girl he married.
I'm not saying he won't or shouldn't compromise. I am sure he will. It's just that he misses the old you, and there's nothing he can do to fix it. You need to let her out once in a while.
BTW, we have all been there, and it's not easy, but it will work out.
I've been married for 11 years now and have 4 kids - 3 of 'em are boys and work full time (both me and my hubby), so you can see my hands are full. But is till make it a point to make landi to my hubby by texting him every now and then just make the mood going. So by the end of the day, I know that we both are looking forward to a cozy time together. I know having kids are stressful but having time for yourself and your hubby will destress you. if you don't mind me asking, what do you think of your body now that you gave birth? because I know that contributes something to what you're feeling now. I know that because I've experienced that before when I gave birth to our first born.I got a 24 inch waistline before and got 34 after giving birth..it';s really hard to overcome but you can do it if you would only change your attitude towards it. As time passes by, I reduced my self to 28'; waist now. Hard work and determination will also help. But I gained my confidence back and I'm now happy with him. Hope you could also...Good Luck!
Lol, Yes it is quite a dilemma, but something you will overcome in time. Its one of those things you stick together on, dont let this tear you apart. Sex is important, but sex is not everything.. You must insist to your husband that it is not him, try not to put any blame on your self either. Having a child/children is hard work, But it should not stop you from having a decent sex life at one and a half years on.. YOU CAN BE that sexy, care free self again, Just because your no longer a girl, and your now a mommy, does not make you unattractive, and boring.. You need to remind your self often that your a yummy mommy, and worth every second of your husbands attention, the more confident you feel with your self, the more sexual you'll become.. I dont think designating nights for sex is appropriate, That is a turn of on its own.. Sex should be when you both feel like it, and right now, i know you dont feel up to it, but give it a go, even if you are feeling exhausted, or unattravtive, you may be suprised that your more aroused then you thought.. Everyone goes through this stage, and trust me, you will get over it, communication is the key, and babysitters, and a few glasses of wine wont hurt either *wink, wink*!! GOOD LUCK
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