To the couples who have been married for all these years do you have any advice?

Throughout a marriage there wil be spits and spats between couples like me for example I make a big deal out of something that isnt work arguing over then it turns into something big and end up talking about getting divorce. My husband is a good guy and I now I have made look like a bad guy but I dont know how to leave something alone wihout getting mad about it that gives me the opportunity to talk about it. Everyone is different and I just want to now how all of you couples have held on to each other for so long and maybe give me some advice on how to keep it strong.To the couples who have been married for all these years do you have any advice?
Hi l have been married for 30 yrs and believe me it has been full of ups and downs and quite a few suprises. Some good, some really bad but we have always managed to get past them. My husband cheated which devistated me but even that huge hurdle we are working through. Every marriage l believe has it's problems. No marriage is perfect, people are not perfect, we all have our faults. Sometimes l think you just know that you are meant to be together and regardless of what life throws at you , you always get past it. Communication is a huge part of any good relationship as well as love and respect for one another. I feel that we all seem to forget about those things at times and that is where we go wrong. As far as making a mountain out of a molehill, you are certainly not on your own. I often do it myself and l'm the first to admit it. The way l see it though, if at the end of the day you can look at your husband and know he is good for you and you love him and he loves you back, it makes your marriage all worthwhile.To the couples who have been married for all these years do you have any advice?
My hubby and I have been married for two and a half years, and dating/friends for over ten.





The biggest thing we've learned is to NEVER discuss something when we're angry. Normally, the argument gets blown out of proportion -- and you start attacking about other things not related. If something happens now, we give it some time to blow over. I take a walk, or he goes to the store. It's never worth the hurt to argue rightaway. Half the time its something silly anyways.





Good luck to you !
We have our struggles as everyone does but here is what I do.


When I feel myself getting ticked off because he has left a tissue in his pants pocket for the 1000 time that causes little pieces of tissue to fall all over the floor as I fold the wash........or when I am driving and turn on the turn signal and he clicks his tongue in time with the signal so loudly that I want to pull my hair out.......or when he refuses to believe me that his four strand comb over looks quite silly I remind myself that I am no less annoying. And that we are just human and it is hard enough getting through the day when those who don't profess to love us hurt us. So why should I bother with things that don't really matter at all. (But sometimes I do just have to screaaaaaaaaaaaam! But I do it alone and without snide comments so as to not hurt feelings.
Everyone and Every ones Relationships are different and Built on Different things!


We ALL bring things into Our Relationships-Hurt,Dis-trust,Pain,Immatu鈥?br>




Forgiveness and knowing in your Heart-of-Hearts that whatever is said can be Forgiven and Resolved By Bedtime!


NEVER go to sleep on an Argument or bad Feeling as it can manifest into much Greater things by Morning!





You will know in your Own heart if the person you are with is going to be the ONE for the rest of Your Life!!





If it's not-Then Stop pretending,get out and stop the Hurt before it gets a Whole lot worse!!





Happy Holidays!!
I have been married for almost 15 years now.But we have been together for 17 years.And I used to get mad over stupid little things.But I learned that it wasn't because of what my husband was doing.It was because of me and my immaturity.You can't get mad at him over stupid stuff or you will live your life constantly pissed off.Besides if you make a big deal out everything he won't feel has if her can talk to you about anything.And communication is key.I get into my relationship very young I was only 17.So I had to learn how to be a good wife,partner and friend.So I had to learn by trial and error.And the best advise I could give is if you love your hubby.Don't give up on him our yourself.You need to stop with the making a big deal out of things.My husband and I have been through almost everything you could imagine.From illness and unemployment to losing parents ,grandparents and even our first baby.And the main thing we have learned is that nothing is to big to overcome has long has we have each other.You need to put your love for each other first and you need to be right needs to go right out the door.Would you rather be right or feel justified or be with the man you love?And for gods sake don't ever use the D word unless you are prepared to go through with it.And Divorce should not be your easy way out.It should be a last resort.People are alway asking on here why the divorce rate is so high.Do you know why it is.It is because people don't care enough anymore to stand up and fight for each other it is easier to just find someone new.or Good Luck!
We must cherish a happy lasting marriage and believe that there is greater happiness in togetherness than in loneliness. As long as we do not have that as a goal we tend to drift on individuality. Divorce is an escapist tendency. When we cannot solve our problems we tend to walk away and feel that we are very competent. We are deceiving ourselves.





It is not about who is right or wrong but whether we can build a relationship which will last and is based on trust, forgiving and loving. Can we have true unconditional love which believes in giving than receiving?





Please think about the following:





1) Do we love our parents? Did we choose them to be our parents or did we accept them as our parents?


2) Do we love our country? Did we choose to be born in our country or did we accept all the good and bad in her and still love her?


3) Do we love our children? Did we choose them?





When we choose our husband/wife we pride ourselves in our decision making abilities. How is it that we cannot build a relationship which we chose????? I think the following will help:





1) We should reduce our ego and our individuality.


2) We should realise that everyone is unique and respect our spouse rather than try to change him/her according to our taste.


3) We should realise that men are different from women. Please read the book ';Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus';.


4) We should realise that we grow and evolve with age and our experiences. We should allow our partner to also evolve with time.


5) We should learn the timeless virtues and not worry about what is fashionable.


6) We should be sensitive human beings who will ';Do unto others what you want others to do unto you';


7) Patience is to be practised when we deal with others. We can be impatient with ourselves.


8) Financial problems cause a lot of avoidable conflicts. So we need to be financially literate.


9) We should be physically, mentally and spiritually attractive human beings. We should compete with ourselves and better ourselves than compete with friends and neighbours.


10) Develop a positive attitude and be prepared to tackle any kind of emergency in our lives. We should consciously try to learn and improve our lives. Happiness does not happen by chance. We have to make it happen.


11) We should admit our mistakes and learn from them. Never repeat the same mistake.


12) We have only one life. Live happily. Count your blessings before you count your misfortunes.





Best of luck, Hotmomma.....





Please also read my answer to a question, '; How can i make my marriage even better?does I LOVE YOU enough?';
The problems usually stem from matters that have not been addressed and dealt with.


If things brew inside and are not addressed, it builds up inside and then things explode.





Friendship, Communication, respect, consideration for each other, and trust are most important in any marriage.





When we get married, our role is to be a husbandwife.


Somehow, we tend to become fathers and mothers to our spouses and we should not.


Do not Judge, constructive criticism is more acceptable.





If both adults are mature, there is nothing that can interfere with salvaging your marriage.


Take a vow and agree that you never go to bed angry and stick to it.





If you can not change things, you must dismiss it and not let anger consume you.





Whoever can accomplish this task and it does require patience, will be happier in the end.
When I get upset at my husband about something, I ask myself how important is this? If it doesn't really matter, let it go. You had already decided it doesn't matter. And always remember that everyone is entitled to their own opinion. So, you might not always agree on something, but, its OK. Let each other have their own thoughts. Nobody is right or wrong.And last, I would have to say to accept each other for what they are and don't try to change each other. You can try to change yourself for the better, but, you cant change your spouse.You just need to love each other, and respect each other.
...married 33 years - not to Mr. Perfect...I've learned that he knows how to ';make me mad'; for whatever reason, and I recognize it by the feeling of anger coming on - so I step back and ';withdraw'; if I have to or call him on it (not much help) or ';go away';. Never underestimate the need to get away from each other. Be independent - he/she's just 1 person - don't expect too much...when you get back together, play with him/ her and be an active touching loving mate - everyone melts for that - SMILE:)
Its the spice of the thing! Been married eleven years and our fights can be the worst of the worst. Divorce is brought up, but we both know it is a tool to make the other stand for attention! We have chilled out over the years and things dont get broken, but we are both very passionate and think we are right! One thing that has helped me enormously (being female) is realizing while arguing, is this going to matter in a day? two days? two weeks? two months? 99.9% of the time the answer is NO! So what the hell are we fighting for? It really does help when the argument is over who is cooking or who is picking the kid up. But when it is worth the fight, then stand and be heard!
1) Think before you speak. Once you say something hurtful, you can't take it back.


2) Don't hold grudges...let it go...If you hold on to them, they will eat you, and your relationship up.


3) Pick your battles %26amp; realize that you can't ';win'; every argument. Even if you think you're right, take the higher road, especially about the little things.
You must be able to laugh, Laugh when your happy - cry when your sad.





Don't go to bed mad.





Fighting about MONEY is just stupid - you either have it or you don't.





Something is bothering you, tell the poor man, he CAN NOT READ YOUR MIND!!!!!!! - bring up in a calm matter, discuss it and then DROP it. He can not read your mind and if you are saying...Nothing is wrong, guess what...he believes you.





Trust is very important....if your worried he is doing something behind your back, you need to get a grip. He needs to be able to breath and so do you.





I could go on....just love him and trust him.





Good Luck





10 years and counting and I have to deal with his EX WIFE!
You sound very angry and frustrated, and somewhat immature. By your own admission you are the one who cannot let something go, but instead, must argue and fight over it. You say your husband is a good guy. Okay. So what/who is the real problem??





The easiest solution for any young married couple is divorce. In America, 3 out of 5 marriages end within the first two years. We American's have the largest number of marriage counselors on the planet yet we also have the largest divorce rate of all other countries.





True Love must begin any Marriage. Without True Love there can be no True Marriage. Marriage simply means two becoming as one.


Time and age will slowly dissolve your immaturity but you yourself must calm the internal anger and frustration you exhibit here in your question.





Compromise and Forgiveness are the two key factors that will make any marriage last. Any couple who has been married any time at all will agree wholeheartedly. We all put up with things we don't like, listen to ramble we don't agree with, and constantly, constantly compromise on just about every level and subject. We do the same with friends and family but it isn't as apparent as it is when you're married. Something about marriage seems to give many people the idea that they now reign supreme over another and that thought is completely untrue and absurd. It's never going to be YOUR way once married. It will, however, eventually become ';our'; way if you continue to compromise and forgive.
there are as many answers to your q`s as stars in the heavens, each couple have their own ways and means, some of necessity,some for other reasons, all valid, you must find your own path to least resistance, divorce is not an answer, just a cure for lack of imagination and love in the first place, advice is easy, results is hard, if need be, go back to page one and read the original script again, good luck
Been married 14 years. When we have spats, we say what we have to say and back off of it a few hours and usually we both find out we don't disagree at all. Don't be afraid to disagree and always speak from the heart.