Married couples, I need some serious advice?

We were just married over a year, we have been going through lots of ups %26amp; downs since the beginning of the marriage, due to some wedding day trauma which involves in-laws, %26amp; that leaves us with bitter memory %26amp; experience, %26amp; subsequently affected our marriage.





We both have lost trust in our marriage, %26amp; this even affect our intimacy. It feels normal on surface, we don't quarrel much %26amp; in fact we did enjoy each other company, but there is no future plan ( no baby, I guess that also bc we don't have confidence in our marriage ), no wearing of wedding band ( even I asked to ), I am not his appointed beneficiary of whatsoever plan....





Two of us are now living abroad from home, we had mentioned about divorce, but I know I will feel guilty if I left him alone here, I have tried whatever ways that it would help our marriage - going for counselling ( he refuses to ), he said there is nothing wrong with this situation now - with love making 1 - 2 times a month, no hand holding, no kissing anymore ( newly wed ?? ? ), he said it's bc of age ( 41 years of age ), he just refuse to look at the problem %26amp; seek professional help.





We have been talking but no results ( he just asked me to accept who he is - from being an affectionate guy to ';cold guy'; ? ), he refuses to go counselling with me, what else can we do ? I am going back home country to take a break from this relationship, but I can't imagine to have going through the whole cycle again as this will be very detrimental to our life.





Please help !Married couples, I need some serious advice?
he is just going to be there to see ur sufferingMarried couples, I need some serious advice?
What happened at your wedding is blocking the progress of your marriage.


If you both can fix that then things will work out.


Keep your in-laws out of all your plans together, they will only make thing worst.


Your husband need you to value him, need him, lean on him so that he will feel your respect for him.


Do you need to apologize to him for what had happen?
well it seems that he has lost interest in you somewhere down the line.Best bet is that you have lost him for good,or he's having person issues with something else and it's effecting the way he feels about everything else in life ,who knows ?
i think I could help lets talk
Whatever happened at ur wedding with the in-laws needs 2 b addressed. Ur relationship won't last if u have no communication. U have 2 stop and think how deep ur relationship really goes if the in-laws, no matter whose side, is really gonna b the fall of ur marriage?. U married eachother Not ur families. U both need 2 talk 2 eachother. U really should wear ur rings. Families r different. Not everybody gets along. U obviously didn't let their differences break u up b4 cuz u r Married! So why let them end ur Marriage!?
I've been married for 5 years now. My husband sounds a lot like yours. My in laws live across the street. I'm 36. . he's 40 next year.





I tried to get him to counseling . . .same thing, he thinks nothing is wrong with him or with us. So I went myself. Took me a long time to find a good counselor. I don't believe that my now ';cold guy'; (who was affectionate before) can become affectionate again. Too much damage has been done from the lack of affection. That's not marriage. . .that's not love. . that's not soul mates. It's more like roommates.





I've finally realized that it all boils down to TWO questions:


Can you look yourself in the mirror and say you did everything you could to save your marriage?


Are you better off with him for the rest of your life or are you better off without him for the rest of your life?





Best of luck to you! It's not easy, but the most important thing is your happiness! (drop the guilt of leaving him there, if you do leave him. Guilt accomplishes NOTHING - he's a big boy. . he WILL be ok)
OK first and for most your husband seems like hes in denial.You all discuss divorce and yet when you bring up a counselor he clams up, and says you guys don't have problems?Well first of all if that were true you guys wouldn't be discussing divorce in the first place,right or wrong?You should bring that up in the next argument if he goes there.


Secondly if this whole counseling thing is that important to you,you should tell him that.You have to make it clear its either counseling to fix the problem and just to comfort you or theres the door because you have to move on.
try spicing things up a bit in the bedroom you make the first moves then see what happens also don't hang just wedding pictures up hang pictures of you all before you were married so you all can remember why and what made you all fall in love with each other believe me it takes a lot to keep a marriage going and try to convince him to seek counseling and if he isn't willing to go you go alone at first and maybe he will be willing to go to a few with you and you can make it work good luck also don't expect things to change over night give it a few months i am sure things didn't change once you got married it changed over time so it will take time to change back good luck
First let me say I am 47 and my husband is 49 the end of this month we will be married one year. We kiss many times a day, hold hands all the time and make love about 3 days a week. We have our 4 girls living with us 2 his 2 mine ages 16 to 24. So the age comment is no good. Take a break like you plan... a new marriage should be smiles and happiness.