now we're in trouble. I don't know how it happenned. We're both very irritated with each other and sometimes I feel like I don't even like my husband. I care about him deeply though and don't want to hurt him. His attitudes about certain things really irk me and I find him very negative and pessimistic which can depress me. On the other hand, he still makes me laugh and I know he cares for me like no other ever can. Today I looked over my wedding vows again and I'm trying to think what I can do to make this work. I'd love advice from those who have gone through hard times. thanksMarried couples: need advice on going through the bad times?
Girl it is times my husband makes me so mad I want to punch him in the head and I ask myself do I even like this butt head, but of course I do. Sometimes marriage is hard, to get through it you have to remember the good times and think about the times to come. You have to remember why you married the person getting on your damn nerves and think ';can this little irritation pass?'; If it is something small of course it can. Marriage is not designed to always be easy, but just because you are going through a tough time doesn't mean you don't have a good marriage. If he is negative now, he probably was negative then. Sometimes our spouses are so perfect, but there are those few things that erk us, but we still married them, so at least at one point of time, our love overrided the things they do that get on our nerves. Try to lift up your husband out of his negative state. Maybe if he sees that you are positive about something, he can feed off of that, but remember, he might remain this way, but are you strong enough to love him despite it? Being in the Army, weight is so important! I obsess about my weight alot and it erks my husband, but he puts up with it because he loves me. My husband is bad about money...if we had 1 dollar, he would find a way to spend 50 cent, GOD how this gets on my nerves, but I love him despite it and I control our finances. No one is perfect, your husband is negative and you are ________. You have a flaw too ya know, even if you think you don't. You do something that gets on your husbands nerves, but he loves you through it. You gotta be strong enough to say, even though they do this, I want them forever. There is a book you can get on amazon called ';A wife after Gods own heart';. If you are Christian, this book will definately open your eyes to alot. If you are not, try the book ';for women only';, that gives you a perspective on man that you may have never seen. Good Luck! Oh yeah, did I mention that I am a pessimist and my husbands an optimist?Married couples: need advice on going through the bad times?
you can make it.... it is a lot of work, but can be well worth it in the end.
my husband and I have pretty much been through everything you can think of in our 11 years, affair, hate for each other, drama, fights, etc.
we tried to call it quits several times, but cannot seem to live without each other.. so we have attended marriage counseling and have agreed to do whatever it takes to make it work. and at 11 years later, we are better than we have ever been. good luck, just keep plugging away at it.
';Keep on truckin';. There are always ups and downs, sometimes the downs are big, but have faith that there will be an up. I think understanding that you are both frustrated is wonderful. You can support one another through this challenging time. I think rekindling the fire often times does great things. Here is one of my favorite sites to go to get ideas when things get rocky: http://www.lovingyou.com/
you might both have personal issues that you have not discussed with one another and it is building up inside. So there is no arguing take turns sitting on the computer and each of you make a list of things that are bothering you right now. Then the other spouse can put a response by each complaint how they feel about the complaint. Just take turns going back and forth. Sometimes it is easier to write then to really speak how you feel. Hope this helps!
To be honest with you, you just have to love them for better or worse. There was a time not very long ago that I really felt like walking away. But after we talked things through, we are going to make this thing called marriage work for us.
I love him far to much to give up on a really great man.
Having the support of family and friends were also a extremely big help for me.
I argue with my husband at least twice a week. But that doesn't mean I don't love him. Nothing could be farther from the truth. He is my best friend and friends do fight. But we love each other even more. I have been married 4 and half years. It has made our relationship that much stronger
GOOD LUCK AND KEEP YOUR HEAD UP
It is good that you have this so soon--I had it at 24 years, ended up divorced.
Work on it, seek counseling, and MAKE him go too.
If you make it worth fighting for, you will both fight for it!
You have to sit down and talk. Communication is the key to getting things back to where they were. I would recommend that you read this book.
http://www.fivelovelanguages.com/
Communicate.
My wife would always let her anger build up, and then pick fights with me, instead of telling me what was bothering her. That's no way to live.
I been married 10 years and know exactly what you mean. Remember all this shall pass. What I've decide is to start writing him e-mails and tell him how I feel and that I love him.
You're probably a little like my husband and I, both stubborn people. Even though I always said I wouldn't change someone I realized when I didn't agree with him I wanted to influence a change. If your thinking in any way you'll change him, just stop thinking it. The hardest thing is to except the things you don't like about him. I still have tough times, but I also try to remember my very favorite things about him. Because I realize my flaws run as deep as his %26amp; probably irritate him as well. A person's character is just who they are. I think the other thing that helped is when I just realize it's the very moment bothering me - not the entire relationship. Look at the good in him. You sound so in love with him - besides anyone that can get that under your skin ... is because what they say to you means more than when other people talk to you.
I appreciate your commitment and I hope you get things worked out soon. If things have gotten pretty serious seek help sooner than later because it will be easier to fix it now than if you way until years down the road.
How well are you and your husband at communicating? Have you been able to communicate with him (not by yelling and when you are angry) that his attitudes about certain things irk you? Sometimes finding the right time to bring up these issues can make all the difference. Try to say it in a way that will not make him defensive.
Do you avoid talking about some things because it always leads to big arguments? If you have been unable to work things out and them build over the few years they have been building and may be effecting a lot of what is going on.
Forgive each other. We often hold on to things that we have done to each other and that effects our attitudes of current situations. We think ';he ALWAYS does this'; and the like. When we work through situations and truly forgive and ';keep no record of wrongs'; (THIS IS HARD TO DO!) we set ourselves up for improving things in our relationships.
';Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves.';
-- 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
dont keep those feelings in, if there is something about him that bothers you tell him! even if you end up screaming and fighting it will be better...you need to get it out and fighting is sometimes healthy. youre just in a rut..keep trying to make it work and things will eventually get better..my husband is a marine and i left my family and friends and moved 10 hours to be with him. all i see is him every day...my life is the military. trust me the things he does drive me nuts! we have been through some horrible times. love him to death so its worth fighting through it...good luck i hope everything works out for you two
Remember why you married him. We all can have little quirks that irritate our spouses. Sometimes these are the things that we thought were cute in the beginning. You need to accept him for who he is just like you want him to accept you the way you are. When you are going through a rough time it is easy to blow things out of proportion. We get mad easier and dwell on the negative. Talk to each other, see what you are both feeling and wanting. Communication is very important in any relationship. You should be able to discuss anything with him. Talk it out when neither of you are mad.
Everyone goes through all kinds of hard times. My husband and I married young, so we had some financial troubles in the beginning, then he got a new job, so money was better, but he worked more... and so on... Nothing is ever perfect, ever.
And, because life can be stressful, we sometimes (stupidly) take it out on each other. The best way we have found to control it is by reminding ourselves that it's ';us against the world'; not us against each other. If he's having a bad day, I'll go out of my way to do something little and sweet for him. If I'm having a bad day, he'll do the same for me. We know that we have to let each other be stressed out, because no one can avoid stress. But, we also know not to take it personally. There are many things in life that suck on a regular basis, but our marriage isn't one of them. I just remind myself that I was lucky enough to find the love of my life at such an early age, and the rest will all fall into place eventually. The hard parts over, it's smooth sailing from here:)
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